Lately, I’ve find myself “fasting” from wearing make up on Mondays (and now other days). I was super hesitant to wean off from wearing make up, especially since I’ve been wearing it since high school. For those who have known me for as long as I can remember could say that I would not leave the house or dorm room without my make up, even it it means that I would be late.
The reason being was because of my insecurity about the skin that I was in. I have been dealing with eczema and bad acne growing up. I was badly bullied about my condition. I was told numerous of times by many people that I was ugly. They called me names like “Dotty, Raisin Bran, Bumpy Face, Dalmatian, Polka Dots, etc.” I was deeply hurt by the words they said about me. This was 8th grade. I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror everyday. “Who did?” I said to myself. For someone who have been told that they were ugly for as long as I was would eventually believe them. The only people that said that I was beautiful were my parents and other family members, but I didn’t believe them since I felt like they had to tell me I was beautiful since I was their daughter/niece/cousin/granddaughter.
Eventually a little after I started high school, I began wearing make up to cover my “spots” and blemishes. I became more dependent on it because I didn’t want to hear another person calling me “polka dots” Quick Side Note: During this time, I hated anything with polka dots, now I like them 😉 When I attended college, I made sure I had my make up with me at all times. One time during my freshman orientation, I left my foundation at my parents’ hotel room and I had a seminar to attend that morning, I ended up begging them to bring it to me ASAP or else I wouldn’t attend the mandatory seminar. Yes, it was that serious…at that present time. However, there were times when I decided to stop wearing make up since I was in a relationship and my boyfriend then told me I was beautiful without it, plus the make up was staining his shirts, yeah I know #firstworldproblems lol. Eventually, we separated and I said that there was no point to not wear make up since I wanted to look “presentable” to other people. I was told that I was to wear make up for me to look decent around people, thus I became more and more dependent on my make up. I felt that I have to look “professional” at all times due to wearing my make up, especially if I’m looking forward to meeting “Mr. Right” I have to look “Right”. All of this because I wanted to feel beautiful. My fear of turning people off without my make up took a major toll in my life. I felt that I have to look the part at all times in order for people to accept me.
The struggle that I dealt with in regards to going make up free was that I had friends telling me that I didn’t need make up and that they looked fine without make up even though they were’nt dealing with facial eczema and acne. They didn’t “need” it more than I did.
I ended up reading an article about this woman who has numerous of tumors on her face. Her story was so powerful, the thought that she was dealing with something more major than I was gave me more empowerment to embrace my flaws. This women has learned to live life to the fullest despite her flaws. I eventually prayed and thank God for allowing her to minister to me. I could easily “cover up” my blemishes and scars from acne and eczema with make up but she can’t and she’s embracing it. I asked God to help me learn to embrace myself more without make up, and surely He’s has been helping me with this leap of faith. I realized that in order for any guy to love me for me, I need to love myself first. I need to accept my flaws great or small. If a guy cannot accept my acne scars and eczema, than he has no business to being my potential husband.
Many people wonder why I’m so obsessed with taking “selfies” like almost all the time. Here’s my reason, if you dealt with people who have convinced you to believe that you are ugly like I have, you would have a greater reason to post selfies. It’s not about me being conceited, but it’s about me embracing me as a beautiful lady with or without make up. This compensates the amount of times when I would tell myself that I was ugly NUMEROUS of times growing up. I have kids at my church that tell me that I’m pretty and what I did last week was that I decided to go make up free so I can let my girls know that I can have no make up on my face and still look gorgeous. Many people also wonder why I’m so obsessed with leopard prints, my response is because a leopard is fierce because of their spots, therefore instead of me sulking over my “battle scars”, I am going to embrace my “spots” because they make me fierce. Even from my beginning stages of my journey, I have learned that there are certain things that I love about my “natural self”, the best natural make up is a beautiful smile and positive spirit. A couple of my guy friends admire a woman who is confident about her own self and embraces her own beauty.
One thing I’m thankful for is my father in this process, even when I was badly bullied because of my condition, he never ceases to make me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. He loved me for me. And he still makes me feel like a million bucks. He has shown me how a man is supposed to accept my outward flaws.
For those of my sisters who have been hiding behind make up like me, I challenge you all to take a small leap of faith and take a break from “putting on your face”, I know it’s hard trust me, but it’s a part of slowing embracing who you are. The Bible tells us in Psalms 139 that you are fearfully and wonderfully made by God. There can never be a more beautiful you! God has made you for who you are, God loves you so much! You are a diamond in the hands of the Almighty.
So are you ready for this new journey? If you are on Instagram post up your #makeupfreeMonday pic and then add #Iamnaturallyadorned and feel free to talk about your testimony of embracing your natural “self-ie”
Forever Naturally Adorned,